Bug likes Bob.

Marley, that is. After some days of minimal activity, got some pretty obvious kicks thanks to this trick.

18 weeks.

I have had a really hard time thus far. I have been feeling frustrated that I can't be one of those women who "love being pregnant." I find myself so jealous. Then, I had a realization today. I am starting to feel better. I am starting to think that once this cold is all the way gone, I...might...like...being pregnant?! 


Symptom check:
>My fibromyalgia is flaring up and causing me some issue, but that would be happening even if I wasn't pregnant.
>If I get woken up I get really angry. Like REALLY angry......It's bad. Ask Liam.
>Occasional headache.
>Heartburn.
>My ab muscles HURT.
>Round Ligament Pain.
>Hips hurting.
>Back hurting.
>Sleepless nights.
>Fatigue.


But. All of these are basically common symptoms. They aren't ALL of the time (minus the fatigue and the fibro.) And now that I am fully and comfortably in the second trimester, there are positives to being pregnant. 
My favorites:
>I love what pregnancy looks like on me. My belly is beautiful. My shape is AWESOME.
>I can feel Bug almost every day. Sometimes for a long time. 
>Everything is becoming more real. I can almost feel Buggie's lips on mine. I can almost smell his/her yummy   skin.


I think the list will grow next week when we find out if Bug is a boy or girl. We will finally be able to give Bug a real person name. We will finally get to start shopping. Everything will become that much more real. 


So in short....life is starting to not suck totally. 

Fun story. At 18 weeks, Bug is about the size of a Wii remote. 

Coming out of hiding.

I am alive! I feel like a real person again!
I am feeling much better. Liam is sick, which is sad. Today was the first day in a long while that I actually put on a bra, first day in at least 2 or so weeks that I put on some makeup, and 8 weeks since I went somewhere with a friend! I met up with Tawni for some Divine Cupcake. Yum :) Also stopped by and checked out Jerami's new apartment. Pain and nausea still, but not sick :)
I am hoping this is a new stage of pregnancy.

BTW, some update on school-

I ended up "dropping" a class. I didn't technically drop it, but I am taking it pass/no pass and just quitting. I just had to. It was too much stress. I feel much better about everything since I am feeling better and don't have that class to deal with. So now I just need to focus on my other classes and make some decisions about next term. 

Sorry for stress, Love Bug.

Mommy is really sorry for all this stress, Bug.


I have been feeling like I am working on getting sick for about a week now. On Friday, it blew up. Sinus issues, congestion, sore throat. Starting Thursday, I started having some pain on my right hand lower side. I thought it was a pulled muscle or something. Friday night I started getting some pressure-like cramping. Saturday, along with being sick, the cramping got so bad that I called the OB's on-call doctor, who said to go ahead and go to the ER, just to make sure everything was okay. The checked on Bug first, his or her heartbeat was perfect, in the 150's. They did a urine sample, everything came back normal. They did a pelvic and ran tests in that general area, everything was healthy. Finally, while waiting on some result, it dawned on me....my cyst. So, I mentioned that at my last ultrasound, the OB noticed a rather large cyst on my ovary. They weren't concerned as it is very normal, especially in pregnancy (and often aides in pregnancy.) So then, they wanted to do an ultrasound to check on the cyst. The thing they were concerned about was the cyst flopping over and twisting my ovary, cutting off the blood supply and essentially killing my right ovary.


The ultrasound took quite some time, but I didn't mind seeing Bug for a good 45 minutes. The tech was avoiding any "crotch shot" angles, but I think I might have seen the gender. Both Liam and I think the same thing, but because it was very quick, we aren't telling anyone what we think until our Anatomy Scan on the 2nd. (So soon!) We also saw 4 chambers on the heart, which was pretty cool. No longer a little flicker, the heart was a pumpin' away. Bug was measuring right on track, only the head was measuring almost a week ahead! Gunna have Daddy's big head. Poor Mommy....


When we went back into our room, the doctor came (30 minutes later) and told us everything looked great. My cyst was gone, so they think it ruptured, which is what would be causing the pain. OR it receded, but before receding, it leaked some fluid, causing the pain. She said Bug look perfect (DUH.) They sent me home with instructions to rest and take a half a Vicodin for the pain.


I took the Vicodin that night to help me sleep, but it made me nauseous- so I am not going to take it anymore. Also, when I take it, I can't take the medicine for my cold, which is miserable. I would rather lay and rest for the cyst and be able to breathe. :)


Anyways, back to the stress part. I have been trying to write this paper (due tomorrow) all day, and I just can't think right. The cold meds are making me loopy, the cyst is making me sick, I am going crazy. I think I can do it- it is only a 2 pg paper about an interesting subject. The class is decently hard, but okay, and I like it. The prof. emailed me back today and told me not to worry too much about my attendance grade because she knows my participation in class has been great. She also gave me a list of some extra credit options. My other class is WAY hard, prof. still hasn't emailed me back, and the paper due on Thursday, I don't even know what she is expecting....There is no option for extra credit. I don't know that I am or have the motivation to even pass that class anymore.


Next term, it is looking like we might have to pay out of pocket for some of my tuition, along with the fact that I just don't know if I want to go back fall term, and how miserable this pregnancy has been, I might not be going next term.


I am just in a place where I want to give up. I feel like all week I was trying to keep my head up and try to keep a good attitude, which made me ignore all the signs my body was giving me to slow down. I feel like I am trying to keep up with Superwoman and it just isn't working. I can't exactly choose to not be pregnant anymore, but school IS something I can let go of. I just don't know.
Experts claim that children born to mothers who are highly stressed during pregnancy exhibit genetic changes that may make them more vulnerable to stress themselves. Clearly I need to do this:

Sixteen Weeks is Full!

Milestones, milestones.
I am finally gaining weight! I thought it was 3 lbs, but apparently my pants weighed more than I thought. I have gained a pound! LOL. So now, I need to start watching what I am putting in my mouth. For the last few months, I have been eating as much as possible, whatever sounds good, trying to stop losing weight. I am still down 4 lbs from pre-pregnancy, but I am sure that won't last long. So now instead of the KING sized candy bar, I will just eat the regular sized one ;)


Another- Bug's movements are no longer going on all the time, they are also no longer the fishy-swimmy feeling or tap-taps. They are now full fledged kicks!! They feel like a muscle spasm. There are some theories as to why the movement isn't as often- Bug is more active when I am sleeping (very likely), Bug is sleeping more because he/she is about to go through a growth spurt, Bug has found a new position that isn't so far forward, and a mixture of all three. I feel him/her when I move positions at night, so I bet my day time movements rock Bug to sleep.


So, I am only 16 weeks, so I feel like someone is going to tell me I am crazy for saying this: I felt Bug move from the outside today! I did. And I don't care that anyone says it is "too early." Bug was kicking around, so I put my hands where I felt it, and pushed in a bit.  The movement felt like someone bending their finger and rubbing their knuckle across my hand. Really fast in a back and forth movement three or four times in a 2 inch area. Then it stopped. SO FREAKING COOL.


I don't feel like the belly is getting all that much bigger- it is just changing. It is rounder, harder, and higher. The rest of my body isn't really changing. My skin is a bit dry, my hair is a bit more full of body, but nothing else is really changing. At least, in appearance. But, I don't want to complain about all my aches and pains. Not today, at least.

Belly!

My point of view.

Tomorrow I head to the OB's office for the blood marker test for multiple genetic things- such as Downs. Like 21.5 days till we find out if this Buggie is a girl or boy!

What to do with my life?

I still don't know what I am going to do with my life after Bug comes. We have no certainty we will even be in the Eugene area. But, for now, we are assuming we will be. I had thought I would probably start taking online classes at OSU (they have full degrees online, my major being one of them.) As I am getting further into this term, though, I am feeling like I might really regret that. 


I am enjoying Gospel choir a lot. I am also really enjoying my classes (both classes from my major) and the discussions in the class room. Because college has never really been about the degree to me, it has more been the experience and so I can say I did it, I think I wouldn't have much motivation for online schooling. I also feel like I would regret not continuing with Gospel as it is not something I can do forever, it's a college thing. Of course, this is all before I have held that baby in my arms and I could potentially never want to leave him or her. 


I guess, right now- Liam and I are assuming I will be going back (to UO) part time Fall 2012, and full time Winter 2013. But I am still reserving the right to not go back at all if I want. The only thing that gets in the way of this right now is childcare. I am having a really hard time figuring out how child care will all work out. I know my mom would be available some to watch the baby, I also know there is potential that Liam and I could work our schedules around each other and he could be home with baby some times. But, odds are, we will need to hire someone eventually. I was a nanny, so I know there are some great ones out there ;) But there are some crazies out there. The idea just makes me anxious, and I haven't even held the baby in my arms yet.


Maybe I will find Mary Poppins :)

Actually. The more I think about it, she isn't up to my standards....magic lady who lies to kids, brings them to strangers houses, and works to impress a homeless man? She has a temper and on multiple occasions- puts down the children. Yikes. Nope. I am never leaving my kids. If you can't even trust Julie Andrews, WHO CAN YOU TRUST?